Tag Archives: pictures


WOW – busy busy busy….Time has just flown by…I just cannot figure out where I lost track of it all. I will say..I have finished ALL my Christmas shopping…I have about 5 cards left to send out – but they might be late…they are all out of country.

Also – my son who is stationed in Kentucky canceled (at the last minute) his trip home. It just about broke my heart.  My hunnie is mad because this is typical of AJ – very impulsive and does these things on a constant basis…especially when it is NOT his money that is being wasted. I am just disappointed…I really thought he would come…but I was wrong. So it will be the three of us…and that is BEAUTIFUL… we have a HUGE turkey dinner planned with all kinds of good stuffies with it and gifts galore.

So just to add a bit more stress to my week…my daughter tells me that she needs the payment and pictures and letter for her dedication page for the yearbook by today…(this was two days ago). So I had to get a dozen prints sent off to walgreens (took 4 hours of picking and choosing) for overnight printing and had to get a money order for $275 for the full page dedication (she always wanted a full page) (with that money it better be outlined in gold – LOL) and I had to write a dedication letter to her about “whatever” I felt motivated to write.. So I thought I would share my letter here…let me know what you think:

Crystalyn Rose 
“I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.”
We never knew so much LOVE & JOY could come from having a child.
Your sense of humor and spunk for life and creative thinking amazes us…and your compassion for others makes your heart bigger then most adults we know.
Our pride in you grows daily as does of course our LOVE..if that is at all possible.
You have strong convictions and will fight tooth and nail for your family and friends and those that you care about.
You have a massive soft spot for animals-which shows the depth of your kindness..and you speak your mind no matter what the circumstances or consequences. Showing that you stand strong in your faith and beliefs – that you are a leader and not a follower.
We are very proud to say you are our daughter..and although you are spreading those beautiful wings of yours and going out to claim your life…We wish for you the VERY best of all that life has to offer..
CONGRATULATIONS on your first step to life’s opportunities..
Smile always to show kindness to others
Laugh to enjoy the fullness of life
Love to always be filled with unending joy
Dream to strive for the best of everything…
Follow your Dreams – Believe in Yourself – Be You
We Wish You Enough….!!!
 She thought it was awesome – so that is all I care about. This morning she turned everything in so she is happy and that makes me happy!!! Now we still have to pick out invitations and memory goodies and measurements for caps and gowns. (this is ALL more money) I know I keep mentioning money but it just seems that companies take every opportunity to charge you unbelievable prices for some crazy stuff. She did FINALLY get her senior portraits back and her class picture (almost 900 students in one picture) they do a panoramic picture of the class – you do have to LOOK to see where your kid is…that was another 40 dollars.(just the class pic) Her portraits were $215.
We never got our lights on the house done…just too much for us right now. But I did manage to get a picture of the little tree by our front door….my camera’s battery was running low so the lights got swirled in the picture…but here it is:
I think it has a cool effect….so that is our Christmas tree…everyone who has seen it LOVES the idea and have claimed they are going to do that also…LOL. I think I have started a trend….LOL .
 For now I think I have updated all that has happened. I have really had a WONDERFUL holiday season so far…some BEAUTIFUL people who I have met through blog land have sent me things that made my heart cry – they have touched me so much…I have some surprises for them…(might be late) but I hope they love it nonetheless. I have continued every day to blog and create in my art blog (FINDING MYSELF)- which for me is BRAVE because it is putting myself out there for all to see and judge…and so far – KINDNESS AND LOVE is what I have been shown….I AM BLESSED.
If I am unable to blog here before Christmas – I wish you ALL a very BEAUTIFUL and BLESSED Christmas filled with JOYHAPPINESS – and LOVE!!!
Remember to HUG those you LOVE!!!


This is one of my most favorite pictures…It is my grandmother holding her great grandchildren. This is the first time that she had seen them since they were born. This was taken during the first week they were out of the hospital. The outfits they have on are for preemies yet they are falling right off the babies…we must have redressed them them in those outfits a dozen times before arriving at my parents house just to get some pictures..then afterwards put them in onesies..which to me were wonderful.

As you can see the heart monitor leads hanging down.. their tiny little bodies in my grandmother’s arms…my grandmother passed away a few months later so this picture is extremely sentimental to me. After this visit – I realized what a massive job it was to get three kids ready (the older siblings) and then twins just to go anywhere..it really took a toll on me. I think I lived on adrenaline for the first year after having the twins. I will say that both babies were WONDERFUL to travel with – get ready – do anything with…always happy and content…always laughing!!! My time with the two of them together is something I will always cherish!

Just thought I would show off another picture…Just remembering some precious times!

Thanks for stopping by and Looking!!!!


Here is another little picture of Joshua….just hanging out – peeking to see who is taking a picture again…lol


Pictures of my parents the day after we brought the babies home…you can see the heart wire leads hanging down in the picture on the left.

I just wanted to share a few pictures that I manage to have….the pictures of my parents
with the babies is one of my favorites…I will show you another one tomorrow…

Just remembering some great times!!! Isn’t that was remembrance of our loved ones is all about.

Thanks for stopping by and Looking!!!


The photo above was taken the day the babies were released from the hospital..
we think Joshua (on the right) was asking Crystalyn – “hey what are they doing?” And Crystalyn said “Oh don’t worry – grown ups are just taking our pictures again.”

I wish I had better photos to share with all of you…unfortunately the ones I am  showing you are the ONLY ones I have…as a side note…when I was moving from separating from my first husband…my belongings were still at his place which caught on fire and everything I ever owned was in it including anything I had of Joshua…the few photos I am showing you come from pictures that my parents just happen to have. (not many)

I want to THANK YOU for your warm kind comments…they have all touched my heart beyond what I could ever describe here – I thought for a very long time that I was handling things…but I think A LOT of the depression that I have been fighting has something to do with losing Joshua. I feel VERY RESPONSIBLE for his death…No I did not hurt him….but parents who lose a child to SIDS always carry the burden of thinking they did something wrong or could have prevented it all somehow. It is very difficult to get past that. Whatever you may read about SIDS…do not fool yourself into thinking that putting a baby on his stomach or its back will prevent it..I know way too many parents that were holding their babies and the baby just died in their arms due to SIDS…it is something about the brain NOT sending the messages to the heart and lungs to beat and breathe…there is no cure…and so much research still has to be done…and 17 years later after losing Joshua – they are NO CLOSER to finding any answers.

I am blessed in many ways – though you may think it is crazy – but Joshua did so many things before passing on….He touched a horse ( a home visiting nurse took him outside and he got to touch our horse and watch it run) – he danced…a friend of mine and I put on some great music in the daycare (that I was running at the time) and we picked up the babies, and danced all over with them…Joshua just laughed and laughed..it was hysterical.
The day we brought Joshua home – I remember sitting his  baby seat down and he just started laughing (it sounded like the cheetah cartoon character from the fritos commercial)…it was so funny..so we called him cheesy from that day forward. My ex said it was the angels talking to him (hmmm – maybe). When you would hold him – he clung to you like he was hugging…it was so wonderful to feel him do that…I have never felt a baby do it like he did…I used to have this beautiful dog named Cleo (german short-haired pointer) who took to the babies immediately – became their personal body guards…and when I brought them home – Cleo laid her head across Joshua’s lap and he stopped fussing…she became his protector – it really was amazing.

When the twins came home – they weighed over 4 pounds…BUT NOTHING FIT THEM…they were toooo small. We had to order these special preemie diapers from the pampers company – the diapers were so small they could fit inside a wallet (were your dollar bills go)…it was wild..yet they were big on my babies. So we had to go shopping at a toy store and buy premie cabbage patch clothes to fit them until they could gain some weight.

In the state of Florida – You had to go through these “tests” to see if you can take care of your preemie babies once the hospital released them. You also had to attend special classes to learn to think preemie. (I kid you not) So they had to see you bathe your baby and feed them and change their diapers, and give them medicine and change/fix/set up their heart monitors – and breathing machines, dress and undress them, wrap them in blankets, how you hold them, how you walk with them, how you pick them up and set them down, how you put them in a car seat and take them out and on and on.

I remember when I had to bathe the babies – they were so small we had to use 4×4 gauze pads for a wash cloth that were softened by baby soap and warm…because their bodies were so small – washcloths were too big and bulky …so differently then having a baby that goes full term.

Well that is my entry today about Joshua…it kind of wipes me out so I will continue later…I am not upset – just thinking back to all these times brings back a flood of memories that I have not thought of in a long time!!!

Thanks for reading this far…I appreciate the caring and compassion you all have shown me…truly – from the bottom of my heart – THANK YOU!