Life has been hectic. It’s been down right crazy.
But I don’t think I’d change it for anything.
Okay so I’d change one detail but that’s because it shouldn’t have happened.
Lets start in March shall we? March was Grad Bash. That was, awesome.
In April.. lord. It shouldn’t have happened. But as mom already said, we lost Thor.
And Ginger just months later.
Also in April, just days after Thor left us, Prom arrived. I didn’t want to go. I just lost such an important member of my family and now I was forced to go out and celebrate being a senior. With all the pressure from my friends I finally caved and went. It was fun.
I’m the monkey in the middle.
And finally May. Graduation. We went. We Saw. I totally ruled. As soon as I walked across that stage, took my grad. pictures and heard all my congrats I busted out with the parental units and left. Woo! It was Mission Accomplished. Not impossible.
The summer was difficult. I lost a friend of mine. Jimmy Pierce. RIP.
During the school year I also lost another friend, Courtney. RIP.
Now I am in college. Yay. Its okay, really boring though. Its all prereq classes. Which sucks. So therefore its boring. Now moms back on the saddle with her blogs and groups and Im happy for her.
She needs to have some spice in her life. Woo!
Any who, ya’ll take care and have a good day cause thats muh post.
WOW – I cannot believe I have been gone for so long. I really did not mean to be gone for so long – for that I truly apologize. I think that absence was the worst for me fighting COPD and depression…I gave into it all – but now I am on the road to recovery – I am fighting the “demons” (sort of speak) and taking things one step at a time – one moment at a time – THANKS for being so patient and for your caring messages – it has all given me strength. Well now that I have blubbered off – on to the news….
First and foremost – I have quit smoking – I mentioned this bit of news on my art blog but I cannot help but mention it again..I have smoked for about 30 years…yes I know it is a nasty habit – and no it is NOT responsible for my COPD – (did not help it tho) but for me – (at least in my head) it helped to relieve stress. However one morning I woke up (jan 25th) and the desire to smoke was GONE–yes I tell you totally gone!! I have not looked back – have no cravings for it – (never had any) I AM FINALLY FREE. I have no explanation – maybe my inner spirit got tired of being contaminated by my outer weakness.LOL.
My hunnie was so inspired he also quit two months later and has not looked back. We figure to be saving about $140 a month – YAYAYAY!!
Well my daughter was in her senior year of high school and the second half of the year became extremely busy and expensive and tons of running around!! Between finishing up all requirements for graduation – there was grad bash -(seniors going to celebrate a night at Universal Studios and such), Senior breakfast, PROM -omg – that is a money rip off for young people, finals, and the insane graduation. I will just say that one of my greatest joys was watching my daughter receive her diploma – we were at a ENORMOUS arena (where the NBA plays) so we had to watch her get it on a huge prompter – but it was GLORIOUS!!!
We had some sad moments – one of my daughter’s dogs had to be put down – he suffered from blocked kidneys and a malfunctioning bladder – we were all for surgery to help him but as soon as they gave him a relaxer he passed on – once he felt no pain – he was able to let go. It broke her heart…broke all our hearts – he was beautiful!
Then our very first rottie that started off our zoo – passed away from old age – She was just short of 15 years old (which is very old for a rottie) but she lived a full and energetic life…we were blessed to have had her…just passed away in her sleep – my hunnie rubbed her head until she feel asleep for the last and final time!
If you have been reading my blogs for a time – you might know that my parents about two years ago moved down closer to my siblings because my brother owns a duplex that my parents can live in for free – WELL I am slowly finding out that my parents’s health is declining – I was born and raised in NY – lived there until I was 27 when I decided to move to Florida to live closer to my parents (who retired here) and my siblings…I mention this because my parents have no memories of NY – my father says that he has never lived in NY..
Both my parents are requiring A LOT of care – my brother has been trying to talk to them about living in an senior citizens apartment building where there are others their age, companionship, nurse always on call and individual apartments, activities etc…my father says that those places are insane asylumns, and my mother says that old people only go there when their family does not want them…so my brother has his hands full. My brother took them both to the doctors and had MRIs done of their brains and they are both suffering from dementia…not good!!! The story of my brother is too long to go into – I will save that drama for another time!
I have NOT gone out at all really – I made it to my doctor’s appointment, which is another long story I will save for another time….I manage to go to the graduation (which I am so grateful for)..but Other then that – I am a total recluse. I know that not going out only contributes to my depression BUT – knowing that and trying to change that are two different worlds for me!
Okay – the last thing that made me nuts and kept me away is my computer – I was having some problems with it before I disappeared…(lots of error messages showing up) but it took me what seemed forever to save what I could on to a new external hard drive that my hunnie got me – it seemed like my old computer did not want me to transfer ANYTHING….GEEZ – and then it happened – my puter gave up the ghost – OMG – I was devasted because I did not get to save any of my links or email addresses or addresses to any of the blogs I was reading – it has taken me about 6 weeks now to finally get in touch with the majority of the people I was in touch with…SO my point is if you would like to exchange links to each other’s blogs PLEASE let me know – and if we were in touch before I crashed or now – and you would like to continue or start staying in touch – please leave me a note –and then somehow I will get my email address out to you~! The good news in all this – is that my daughter bought me a NEW COMPUTER…it is beautiful and fast and fast and beautiful – I am BLESSED…so now I am playing catch up…LOL
As a side note – yes we are living day to day over hurricanes…FAY flooded out the state of Florida! We are BLESSED because our property is built up a bit so we did not get water in the house but our ditches and street and back yard were under water – nothing like what you might have seen on TV but enough that it makes you nuts and it seems to attract a bazillion mosquitos and snakes and ants etc etc. We got brief storms and rain from IKE (thank God) nothing major! So right now I am just hoping that the rest of the season fades away quickly and no more hurricanes decide to visit!
I have also updated my art blog – so please feel free to check that from now on too!! FINDING MYSELF.
Again – THANKS for your kind words, notes, emails, messages, comments, caring and concern…I will take things slowly and hopefully that will keep me going and help me stay in touch without feeling overwhelmed..have a BEAUTIFUL day!!
Posted in blogging, daughter, family, personal, school
Tagged absence, COPD, depression, family, high school, hurricanes, pets, rotties, senior year
When I was growing up – I truly despised report cards. My father thought that they were the ultimate in telling him about the character of his children. He could not be bothered with homework or research or anything of that sort – just report cards (he also worked 14 hour days and some weekends – so he was not around a lot). My mother could not help with homework – english was not her first language and by the time I would have to explain everything to her…it would take too long…so I was pretty much on my own. I vowed I would always be there to help my kids if they asked, with their school work. I was always checking on homework every day…constantly communicating with their teachers about what is going on…helping them with research – the whole nine yards…so report cards are important in our house but because I was so involved with my kids – that I had to see what effort they were putting forth in school because I knew the work they were doing at home.
The boys drove me a bit nuts…different stories…excuses…just endless. However they soon learned in high school – that anything less then a “C” meant you were going to have privileges taken away. That was a great motivational tool in our house. Well Crystalyn just started high school when the boys graduated – so I had to start over…she has been so borderline – I was really worrying about her. She did the work – but she is a no go on exams..just could not connect the dots – sort of speak. Her reports and research and such always got her A’s but anything like tests and I could not figure out what was happening. She has tested me the most. Well now it is Senior Year…it is do or die sort of year. You either make it or you don’t. No More Excuses – time to get so serious you scare yourself!
Well something has snapped in the child….in her 6 finals that she had taken two weeks ago – she got 5 “A’s” and 1 “B” – OMG – I am so thrilled…your final grades for those classes were “A’s” and “B’s” and a “C” – I am tickled pink!!! She was flying on cloud nine on Friday when she brought home her report card…she said she is going to frame it and hang it up…I would too! I am so proud of her progress…so proud that she found her niche…(BTW – the “C” was in aerobics – the teacher just clashed with Crystalyn – kept threatening to fail her because she was a senior and needed her class to graduate – Crystalyn does not respond well to threats at all)
So Now with only two more semesters left until graduation – she can see the light – now she is so into applying for the community college – (one of her teachers – that has taken a personal interest in her – which is a good thing – he teaches in the field she is interested in) suggested to her to go to the community college and get all the basics and foundation out of the way (and cheaper) and you walk away with an Associate’s degree in the basic of your field…it is also MUCH easier to get into a major university here if you are a transfer…so she is going for it. Before she was only interested in some design trade school (no transferable credits) so he tried to steer her away from that thinking.
She wants to work in digital designing – 3-D graphics – multi media art….well she has had this teacher all 4 years of high school. (he also had my boys for computer classes)..but he has gone beyond for her. That is because he sees SO MUCH POTENTIAL in her – I think he thinks she is his prodigy. So for the next two semesters – he has set up a computer in his classroom just for her with special programs to get her a bit of a start in the field – to learn the basics – so that she has a bit of a taste of the world she is setting out for. I am so thrilled for her – he has met my hunnie during open house and they spoke for hours about football and gator hunting and such (he is a country boy at heart) – and he really thinks Crystalyn has a very special talent for the field. She is so excited – and just beaming from ear to ear – about what is ahead…
Yes it is report card time – and it is wonderful!!!
WOW – busy busy busy….Time has just flown by…I just cannot figure out where I lost track of it all. I will say..I have finished ALL my Christmas shopping…I have about 5 cards left to send out – but they might be late…they are all out of country.
Also – my son who is stationed in Kentucky canceled (at the last minute) his trip home. It just about broke my heart. My hunnie is mad because this is typical of AJ – very impulsive and does these things on a constant basis…especially when it is NOT his money that is being wasted. I am just disappointed…I really thought he would come…but I was wrong. So it will be the three of us…and that is BEAUTIFUL… we have a HUGE turkey dinner planned with all kinds of good stuffies with it and gifts galore.
So just to add a bit more stress to my week…my daughter tells me that she needs the payment and pictures and letter for her dedication page for the yearbook by today…(this was two days ago). So I had to get a dozen prints sent off to walgreens (took 4 hours of picking and choosing) for overnight printing and had to get a money order for $275 for the full page dedication (she always wanted a full page) (with that money it better be outlined in gold – LOL) and I had to write a dedication letter to her about “whatever” I felt motivated to write.. So I thought I would share my letter here…let me know what you think:
“I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.”
We never knew so much LOVE & JOY could come from having a child.
Your sense of humor and spunk for life and creative thinking amazes us…and your compassion for others makes your heart bigger then most adults we know.
Our pride in you grows daily as does of course our LOVE..if that is at all possible.
You have strong convictions and will fight tooth and nail for your family and friends and those that you care about.
You have a massive soft spot for animals-which shows the depth of your kindness..and you speak your mind no matter what the circumstances or consequences. Showing that you stand strong in your faith and beliefs – that you are a leader and not a follower.
We are very proud to say you are our daughter..and although you are spreading those beautiful wings of yours and going out to claim your life…We wish for you the VERY best of all that life has to offer..
CONGRATULATIONS on your first step to life’s opportunities..
Smile always to show kindness to others
Laugh to enjoy the fullness of life
Love to always be filled with unending joy
Dream to strive for the best of everything…
Follow your Dreams – Believe in Yourself – Be You
We Wish You Enough….!!!
She thought it was awesome – so that is all I care about. This morning she turned everything in so she is happy and that makes me happy!!! Now we still have to pick out invitations and memory goodies and measurements for caps and gowns. (this is ALL more money) I know I keep mentioning money but it just seems that companies take every opportunity to charge you unbelievable prices for some crazy stuff. She did FINALLY get her senior portraits back and her class picture (almost 900 students in one picture) they do a panoramic picture of the class – you do have to LOOK to see where your kid is…that was another 40 dollars.(just the class pic) Her portraits were $215.
We never got our lights on the house done…just too much for us right now. But I did manage to get a picture of the little tree by our front door….my camera’s battery was running low so the lights got swirled in the picture…but here it is:
I think it has a cool effect….so that is our Christmas tree…everyone who has seen it LOVES the idea and have claimed they are going to do that also…LOL. I think I have started a trend….LOL .
For now I think I have updated all that has happened. I have really had a WONDERFUL
holiday season so far…some BEAUTIFUL
people who I have met through blog land have sent me things that made my heart cry – they have touched me so much…I have some surprises for them…(might be late
) but I hope they love it nonetheless. I have continued every day to blog and create in my art blog (FINDING MYSELF
)- which for me is BRAVE
because it is putting myself out there for all to see and judge…and so far – KINDNESS AND LOVE
is what I have been shown….I AM BLESSED
If I am unable to blog here before Christmas – I wish you ALL a very BEAUTIFUL and BLESSED Christmas filled with JOY – HAPPINESS – and LOVE!!!
Remember to HUG those you LOVE!!!
Posted in art, daughter, personal, school, son
Tagged Christmas, Christmas Tree, daughter, dedication letter, gifts, pictures, school activities, son
Finally I have a few moments to catch up on a few things…First the weather – WOW finally some fall like weather has finally hit the sunshine state. I am loving it! I can actually breathe in some fresh air without choking. It has been wonderful the last few days…I have actually been sitting outside just soaking it all in!
Hurricane Noel skirted our coast but THANK GOD for the low front that was coming in the opposite direction and forced Noel to go away..unfortunately the east coast beaches took a beating with high surfs and more beach erosion has occured, but at least NO HURRICANES…it has been the most mildest season I have ever seen in the 20 or so years I have lived here.
I have really been doing some major blog hopping and researching on creating. Almost seems you would not have to research it but you do…to find things that inspire you. I think that is what spoiled things for me…lack of inspiration…I wanted to see what inspires others to create…see what they create..what they use..the thought process…I could go on and on..but I don’t want to bore anyone..suffice it to say…I have found things to inspire me..words, pictures, art, materials…things that once again..make me want to create. So I have been working on my art blog quite a bit…researching places to sell art at, “getting the word out” sort of speak. It really has been a labor of love for me. My head has not been so obsessed with depression and feeling trapped inside myself (now my battle with severe depression has been an on going thing for several years due to finding out just how sick I am). Being depressed took away my joy…but creating is bringing it back..all this research is bringing it back, thinking of new ways to be creative is bringing it back, meeting new people in the “art” community is bringing it back…..sharing my art with other people (actually letting others seeing it) is bringing it back. Just playing with supplies, throwing things together is bringing it back. I guess you get the point. You would think (if you have never suffered from depression) that it would be so easy to find things that give you joy like your significant other, your kids, your job, your fur babies, your possessions…but it does not. It does not mean that you love your family any less or that they are not important in your life…it is just that the joy disappears from your thought process from deep within your heart it is almost impossible to make yourself feel it or experience it. Strange I am sure, to most people but not to me! I am far from being “cured” or out of that depressive state…but I can feel that joy slowly warm my heart, I can see the light in my head in that very dark tunnel in a far off distance. It feels good! So that is why feeling creative is so important to me. I have uploaded some pics of some of my work and such so please feel free to go check it out for yourself: FINDING MYSELF.
So now you know what I have been doing…as for the daughter – finally the first quarter of school is over..only 3 more to go…this also means report card time. To be honest…one grade needs improvement…she is also very confused as to why she received that grade because her main project was awesome! (she will have to speak with the teacher on monday) but she also received 3 “A’s” which I am thrilled about. She is a happy camper and it showed her that all the work was truly worth it…it was a great boost to her self esteem which is always a good thing! I am very proud of her!
The night before last my son who is stationed at Ft Campbell Kentucky IM’d me and we video chatted for a couple of hours…that was so much fun..he has a wonderful sense of humor….he could always make me laugh about anything! He has received confirmation that his vacation has been approved..so he will be home from December 18th to January 1st., so I am very excited..it will be wonderful to have him home for the holidays! My other son is still out in field…he has been out in the field for over 10 days now and will come in sometime after tomorrow…then he gets ready for graduation from AIT and then home to see us for a few days…then off to Japan.
It has been a full week with nice temps…we did have rain on and off for 4 or 5 days but we needed it since the state’s water table is 24 inches below critical. But this weekend is absolutely lovely…so I think I will go and sit out some more! Thanks for stopping by.
Posted in art, create, daughter, depression, school, son
Tagged art, creative, daughter, depression, report card, son, weather
This weekend will be a bit chaotic….one wayward son is coming home…presently he is stationed at Ft. Hauchula Arizona…he is being trained in Interrogation and Intelligence gathering. I am one very proud mom…totally support anything he wants to do… it has been a difficult road tho because both my sons (who are twins) left home at the same time to pursue careers in the army… so it really hit hard at home–
I love it when he comes home–he loves to help his dad out getting things done around the house and then hook up with his friends for fun nights on the town…but then that time always rolls around again and he will have to leave…so I will enjoy the next 48 hours and soak up his laughter and jokes and craziness and then with tears let him go yet again.
At the same time…this is the last weekend of summer vacation for my daughter.. so we have to get everything set for her and her final year of school…senior year should be so exciting for her. Of course her anxiety level is running on high…anxious about what lies ahead. I am just the mom and I am anxious about what lies ahead…but I just know the year will be filled with lots of important decisions and great memories.
Yes another school year is starting next monday the 17th…this will be a very bitter/sweet year. Bitter because it is my daughter’s last year of high school…she is finally a senior….so sweet for her….but so sad and bitter for me…emotionally I know I am not ready to let her go.
I think right there is where the problem lies….I so want her to succeed and do things in life and enjoy all the possibilities an adventures that are out there waiting for her, but I am also very scared because to me, she is not ready to face the ugliness that is out there. I blame myself. I have protected her, shielded her, her whole life…and now she will soon face alot of serious decisions and harsh reality that I do not think emotionally she is ready for. The one thing I am grateful for is that she plans on attending a Technology school that is near home…so she will still be living at home..so I think that transition will help…but her responsibilites will be large after high school and I do not believe she realizes how crazy that is going to be…again I blame myself.
It has been a VERY busy summer with ordering her school ring and having her senior portraits taken and now ordering our choice of pictures….she already has had orientation and found out she is half a credit short going into her senior year…so I told her to PUSH her guidance counselor (who never told her) to get things settled and make sure she is set to graduate…before anytime goes on with the school year…the high school is overcrowded easily by 2000 students….it will be another chaotic year-crowded and just another number…that is the unfortunate part.
But it will be a year of special privileges because she is a senior so I know she will really enjoy those times….and hopefully have fun with most of what is going on around her…I want her to remember this year with a big smile on her face and wonderful memories…Time will tell and updates will be posted…in the meantime…I think we are in for A LOT of heart to heart talks about what lies ahead. THANK GOD WE ARE CLOSE!