Today in Soul Coaching it says to examine a relationship that causes an uncomfortable atmosphere/situation for myself…to change the world around me – I must start with one relationship at a time. Well this is a relationship I have not spoken about yet. I will say it is so much more complicated then how I can express it here but at least this is a start!
When I met my hunnie – I knew that I knew he was my soul mate (if you believe in that type of thing). He made me laugh, his boys made me laugh, we believed in the same things, we had the same goals, family always came first…I could go on and on…truly a match made in heaven….he met my parents – they love him – he loved them…my daughter thought he was the best dad. Well it was time to meet his family, and the rest of my family (siblings, their kids, nieces, nephews on and on). So we took a long weekend and went down south – first to meet his family. I knew as soon as I met them – there were going to be problems. His mother did NOT like the idea that I was hispanic…did not like the idea that my daughter was not being raised the way she thought was right because her grandsons were not raised that way…his mother speaks in innuendos that are accusatory. It immediately puts anyone and everyone on the defensive. My hunnie is EXTREMELY upfront – speaks his mind LOUD AND CLEAR. He really holds NOTHING back. So his mother does not push her luck with him because he will GO OFF on her. Now I am the new comer….she does not like it – because now her grandsons do not need her as a “mother” figure. They have me…She also does not do the fact that I am not “white”. I am Puerto Rican and that she associates with the illegal mexican immigrants that at the time were causing havoc in her little town. If you ever want to turn me off – ever want me to stay away from you – express how prejudice you are against other people – after I go off you will never see me again. It makes me sick.
Well – this issue has never died down – her innuendos have become more obvious…she is NOT stupid and makes it so that Allen (my hunnie) does not hear them…or does not know what she is talking about because he was not around the situation. She has played favorites, taken out her disgust for how my daughter was raised by me on my daughter. *my daughter and the boys went down to spend a week with her – they all wanted to go – I thought this would be a great way for her to get to know Crystalyn. Well the first night all the kids (including some cousins who already live down there) were all sleeping out in one room – laughing and sharing stories – chit chatting (I know this because my kids called me to tell me how much of a good time they were having doing this)…to me this is wonderful because to me it meant that everyone is getting along and they are enjoying each other’s company. Finally Crystalyn will feel like she is fitting in….well B (hunnie’s mother) does not like the idea that she can hear my daughter laughing when they were suppose to be settling down in order to go to sleep…she went in the room and HIT my kid. OMG – that PISSED me off. I have never raised a finger to my child – or my children – felt no need – I truly do not believe in that type of discipline – but this woman, who does not know me, does not know my kid…HIT her. That is unforgiveable.
I explained my disgust with this to my hunnie – we decide that the kids are NEVER going to stay with her again…and the hunnie tells his mother the reason.
Well for holidays his mother always came to our house for big dinners and get togethers…innuendos continued..her backward remarks kept going…she had a comment about everything I did or said…especially towards the boys..I always smiled and tried to move past it.
I always tried to include her in on family news and events and parties – but the innuendos – put downs – side of the mouth remarks continued. Well she has moved out of state – so the spending time here for holidays has faded…for me a relief….but the phone calls continue where her visits left off.
It is so funny how I am going through this soul coaching course and then out of the blue – yes B called me today….WOW – in my mind, for the first time, I was not going to feed into her conversation, just keep things generic, give no info, do not fall in her trap….well she tried to pull me in on her game again, trying to make me jealous by telling me about one of my sons (the one out of the army that is living in the same area she is) what he was doing, and places where he was going today, tried to get info out of me where my hunnie was and what was he doing and why he was with our daughter and so on and so forth….and when I did NOT fall into her game (for the first time) she was upset (sad upset)…because I was not giving…I decided to keep my calm and peace about me – I let everything just roll off my back….not walk into her chaos…not get involved in her drama. She said that I was being short – I told her I am busy with other things…my energy was elsewhere….and that was that – she was done because she could not rattle my world and could not interfere in it. I asked her was there a message that she wanted me to give her son and she said no so I know she called just to see what game she could play and when she could not – it flustered her. It caught her off guard.
After we hung up – it felt like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders – for the first time in 15 years I was at peace after a conversation with her. I was still calm, my breathing was still calm, and I was able to just keep doing what it was I was doing without feeling run over. WHAT A BREAK THROUGH FOR ME!!!
I do not know if this is what today’s topic was suppose to cover – but it has helped me and it was heavy on my heart to reveal here.
This is a start to a healing for me – and it feels wonderful!
I know that the story may seem to have pieces missing but I was just trying to give you all some background on this drama so that you could understand the start of the healing!
Today – a part of my healing begins!
This is day 11 of SOUL COACHING and day 12 of NABLOPOMO!