Category Archives: blogging


“I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One.”

WOW – The end of Soul Coaching has arrived – I have learned some things that I am truly THANKFUL for.

  • I need to Breathe! Taking those few moments and breathing – makes me more centered.
  • That meditating is a good thing – something to do for myself – helps to bring a balance in my life
  • That I have SOUL SISTERS…who have gone through the same journey I have – and know what the journey was all about…I will always have that connection to them – that is something I will treasure always.
  • When my life becomes so overwhelming (hopefully not) perhaps I should start from square one and de-clutter one corner at a time around me.
  • That the more positive energy I put forth – the more positive energy is given back to me.
  • Reaching out to others may be scary for me – but taking things one step at a time will allow me to do that more
  • LISTEN – to listen to what the universe (my surroundings) are telling me – what my spirit is trying to point out – to remain open to what is being spoken!

It truly was my honor to meet some wonderful sisters through this class…..I wish I could have gotten to know everyone – but I will make the effort to go around and visit – at least read up on what they are doing!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY!!! Thanks for being apart of it all – Thanks SOUL SISTERS for caring about me!

This is the LAST day of SOUL COACHING and the LAST day of NABLOPOMO….I honestly did not think I would make it a month – I feel so successful having made it an entire month – I completed Soul Coaching – blogged everyday for NABLOPOMO and created a piece of art every day for AEDM…It may sound silly – but I am so proud of myself!! I did not give into the negative thoughts – I fought it all – and the rewards have been wonderful!!

WOW – I made it!!!


Today is the last lesson in Soul Coaching – it is Circle Of Love! It has been a BEAUTIFUL walk through this Journey of Soul Coaching. There are a couple of things I wanted to say –

  • I NEVER thought I would make it this far…I am thrilled I did…I feel like I have truly accomplished something..nothing historic – but an inner accomplishment…I did not give up…I did not succumb to those negative thoughts that haunt me about pain or tiredness or I am not worth it!!! The one and only reason for that – is all of YOU.
  • You all have given me the STRENGTH…the ENCOURAGEMENT…the SUPPORT…the GUIDING keep moving forward. I truly was a TOTAL mess when this book/class started. But I can honestly say that I am thinking fewer negative thoughts…saying more encouraging words to myself…believing more in myself, all of that is ONLY DUE TO YOU MY SOUL FRIENDS!!
  • You all have touched my life – truly – you have added a new dimension and I will always be GRATEFUL for that!
  • I found that the more open I was in my entries – the more I grew – and the more I found others to be encouraging and supportive and filled with beautiful words and thoughts and ideas!
  • Jamie – THANK YOU for accepting me – encouraging me – being so nice to me – and for following your vision for this class/book…your vision has inspired me – hugged me…filled me with HOPE…I am so blessed to have met you!
  • TRULY my SOUL and LIFE is blessed to have met all of you – to read your inspiring words and thoughts

THANK YOU for letting me join you all and for joining me – on this beautiful JOURNEY that I will remember for the rest of my life! I believe my journey is just beginning – I want it to keep going – to keep positive!

Today – I will love myself so that I can love others ~!~

Today is day 28 for SOUL COACHING and day 29 for NABLOPOMO.


Today’s topic in Soul Coaching is Creating a Future…there was a point during the last few years of being sick that you could NOT get me to even imagine the future…I just did not see one. But I have discovered (on days that I am not in a depressive fog) that I need to think in different terms of the future…for me it is not GRAND ideas or plans…BUT baby steps – steps to get back to where I am living life as complete as possible because I can. Not letting the sickness take that away. Even if it is in the little things!

I do not have to imagine a house because I am living in my dream house. It needs a lot of work…but it is home and personally I cannot see giving it up for anything…we raised our children here…the neighborhood is nice…we are all in a bit of corner in our area….a little community. We know if something looks out of place or who is where…it is nice!

We live about 25 minutes west of the beaches – LOVE THOSE BEACHES…so I have no intention of giving them up. I can see the miracle of launches from the Kennedy space center from my front yard…AMAZING!!!
I have my pond – so dreamy. I am close enough to main stores to jump in the car and I am there in less then 20 minutes (with traffic-lol) and live far enough away that I can get away from all that of congestion.

What I see/want in my future is

  • to get my craft room set up…to really have it in just a way that I can sit for hours and create and not worry about getting up and down and chase things all over..
  • to actually go outside. I would say once a day or once a week – but I don’t want to disappoint myself but to dream I would say once a day – if anything just to take a look out the front yard and take in a deep breathe of the day.
  • To go out to the store(s) at least once a month – to just get out there with my family – not necessarily to buy anything – just to be out!
  • To have my children home all together at the same time – just to visit us!
  • to go motorcycle riding with my hunnie again – to buy a new motorcycle and just ride the roads
  • to take a cruise with my hunnie ( a real vacation)-we have never been on a vacation
  • to launch my etsy store with goodies I have created -I know it will be successful
  • to get the repairs done on my house (new kitchen, new roof, new puter room etc)

I so look forward to the future and what it holds – that is saying VOLUMES because for a long time I saw no future…so I know 2009 will be WONDERFUL!!

Today I will dream of my future and live it too!!

Today is day 27 of SOUL COACHING and day 28 of NABLOPOMO.


Today’s topic in Soul Coaching is having a home for your soul. I will have to say that I owe this to my mom.
Without me even realizing it – my mom was always bringing nature into our home, while I was growing up. As much as furniture is part of the decor of a house – my mother always filled our house with plants – plants everywhere of all kinds, sizes and colors. I truly thought that this was the norm. Come to find out it was a healthy addition to our home and it brought the beautiful outdoors inside no matter what the weather was outside!

Well I have a few plants that can survive in my house ( due to dogs)…but I have been more towards sounds….Like yesterday’s entry – The sound of the Ocean just thrives in my home. I love the peaceful atmosphere that it creates. The other thing that I just love (again adding a bit of nature to my home) is water fountains…That is my new fascination….my kids one year created a pond right outside my dinning room window…it is wonderful. There have been hundreds of times that I have just sat and listened to water fountain in the pond…it is just the sweetest sound…so in some way I wanted to bring that into my home. So we have table top models of water fountains in our home – just to hear that water flowing when you are sitting near by.

The picture is of the pond that my kids made for me…it is right below our dinning room windows and the sound is just awesome to listen to.

The other sound that is wonderful to have in a home is a fish tank…it is proven that fish tanks provide a natural calming affect to a home…first by the sound of the water going through the pumps…but more importantly – watching the fish. It is better then TV….very entertaining and calming and fun!!! We always have tanks going…

So I think every home should have some form of nature inside – I think our minds need it – our hearts will reap the benefits of it…and our souls will grow from it! Just imagine sitting on your couch and putting a cd in of ocean sounds and sipping away at your tea or coffee or hot chocolate and just relaxing…guareenteed the day’s troubles/worries will melt away and your stress level will go down and your body and mind can become rejuvenated naturally.

Today I will take time to enjoy nature both inside and outside my HOME…because I am home with nature!

Today is day26 for SOUL COACHING and day 27 for NABLOPOMO!


Today in Soul Coaching – the topic is connecting with Nature. Just typing that makes the world seem so much more simpler. I think just as basic human beings – you should connect in some way, shape or form with nature. There are infinite number of ways to connect – what matters is how to connect to what part of nature. What I mean is….my favorite part of nature is – the ocean…not so much beaches to just lay there and soak in the sun (which I have done all my life) but to sit with your eyes closed….and concentrate so intensely on the sounds you hear at the beach…after a while – you will no longer hear people talking or kids screaming or crying or laughing. If there were radios/music playing – that also fades away.
What you hear Рare the waves rolling in Рonce in a while you hear a seagull squawk. You feel the heat of the sand on your feet Рthe sand squishing  between your toes. The sun shinning on your face Рfeeling that warmth.

The sounds of the waves become hypnotic. It makes you feel drowsy. Once you hear the rhythm of the waves crashing to the shore – once you recognize the beat – that is what I call one with nature. It is almost as if your heart beat is beating at the same rate as the waves rolling in. That is where I find peace…peace with nature. It makes me feel like I could live like that forever – I never want to leave it….and even tho being in the sun usually makes you tired later on….those sounds make you feel re-energized. Full of life…awake again in a renewed fashion to the world around you.

In those instances of finally feeling one with nature – you could be on a crowded beach yet be very much alone – that no one else is around – no one else exists…it is a feeling of peace!

You can get that same feeling taking a walk in the woods….first it seems like there is so much to get through while walking – but if you stop and notice that the woods have a natural cushion to walk on – so soft – and the trees are the guardians of the woods – the bark showing the age, the history of each and every tree – they protect the land below – they protect all creatures…they offer a haven for all living things…if you close your eyes – there is a pure silence in the woods – that carries it’s own peace…the smell of the woods is a mixture of the soil, rocks, trees, and such – that give an Ora of strength – a majesty among all natural things! The leaves of the trees filter the natural sun light coming through – as if they know how much light is really needed down below. The soft lighting…the smell of deep strength…the high trees and soft floor is a peace that is built into nature. You do not have to go look for it – it is there – just waiting to be enjoyed!

So go listen to the waves or talk a walk in the woods and become one with nature – and feel the peace!
Today I will breathe in all of nature and feel the beat of it’s peace!!!

Today is day 25 of SOUL COACHING and day 26 of NABLOPOMO.


Today’s topic in Soul Coaching is Using The Physiology Of Your Body. I really like this topic…at least I am comfortable talking about it. I think this all boils down to body language. I remember when I started working in NY at a residential treatment facility for children with emotional disabilities (severe)(violent) – one of the training classes you go through – is how you carry yourself. How you hold your body, how you walk around, sends off tons of messages to the kids at the facility…they can spot weakness (the phrase the trainer used not me).

I found that to be so VERY true. The first dorm I worked in I had a supervisor who was an idiot….he truly set me up against the disturb boys and it made for a lot of injuries to me and him just laughing away claiming that he was right woman do not belong in the field. I was approached by two other supervisors who saw what was happening and said they wanted me to work in their dorms…that they would further my training and teach me everything I needed to know. Well I did ….. (mind you – they were good friends with my first supervisor but they also knew what a JERK he was). I found out first and foremost that I made myself look vulnerable – I looked down a lot, my back after a while would slouch forward…all signs of weakness…or no power…no strength. Well they trained me in all of that and how to be a supervisor…in 18 months total from the day i started I received a HUGE promotion and became a supervisor. I was in charge of my own dorm…made my own rules….NEVER had a physical confrontation with any child in restraining them (yes that was just part of the job because they became violent over “whatever” reason). Hired staff that loved to have fun with kids…wanted to try new and different things with them..(like camping, going to the movies, going to a mall – etc)…my staff were supreme…I taught them what was taught to me….they NEVER had any of the problems either.

Interestingly enough – that first supervisor was fired (about 3 months after I left his dorm). Well 6 months before I left that job to move to Florida (almost 6 years after I started there)…he was hired but as a teacher’s aide. He was not allowed to be in charge of kids like he used to. I noticed his whole demeanor changed…he was walking with a slouch…not sure of himself…he kept wanting to have conversations with me and I kept telling him I was too busy for his garbage…I happen to hear that he had had a nervous breakdown and was not the same…the life was zapped out of him. He had cornered me one day and wanted to know why I felt the way I did about him…I told him he treated me like garbage – he set me up to get hurt – he was dangerous to be around – and he could not be trusted with staff or kids…just his whole attitude had sucked…well his eyes kept getting bigger and bigger as I spoke my mind…he was floored. He tried to apologize – I said that was fine but I don’t want or need his apology – it was just to make himself feel better – but for me – he was in the past. From that day forward until the day I left he always tried to be nice – but he was VERY cautious around me and I never gave him an inch. He noticed I carried myself differently…I had an ire of more self assurance… I could look someone in the eye and tell them upfront and honestly what I thought and that was that.

I carried those lessons with me ever since….especially when I worked in the state prison system. There were workers (non security) that were terrified of being near inmates…but my position of being a counselor, you could not be. I was very confident in my work, in what I could do, and how to deal with inmates. In all the years I worked directly with inmates (in a testing room of 30-80 inmates by myself) I NEVER had a problem, never had an inmate disrespect me, NOTHING!!! I contribute that to my body language – to the way I carried myself – looking directly at them, walking with confidence and strength..back straight…each step taken in confidence. That is truly how I survived.

I have noticed the my body language has changed since I have become sick…yes again I slouch. My head is down a lot…I look introverted….I will make an effort to change that – be aware of it more often – especially when I go out (if I do) so that others can see that confidence shine through.

Today – I will stand/walk with power and confidence – my body will express the strong me!

Today is day 24 of SOUL COACHING and day 25 of NABLOPOMO.


This is a subject I have always been interested in since I became sick – because of the amount of medications I have to take. I started out on some VERY heavy steroids…I have never heard anything good about taking steroids but without them I would have surely died long ago – they have stimulated my lungs to keep going…like all my specialists have said – what steroids can help is about a paragraph long but what it can destroy/bad side effects is a book long. That is so true!

I gave up taking any psych meds because it was driving me crazy to walk around like a zombie¬† – totally medicated every which way…and something controlling my mind did not sound right to me…. I felt like I was losing control of the me inside with all these medications – and what is worse – my body was showing the wear and tear on it….but because I could not really “detoxify” my body fully because those meds would always be inside me – I thought I would at least eliminate some meds that were not life sustaining. Also the pysch doctor that was provided for me – said I would be on the meds for the rest of my mind – that I will not be getting better – NOW THAT IS SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS. So those meds were gone! So was the doctor!

The only reason I mention all this is because I know my body is being poisoned by all these meds…I have no doubt….but the dry brushing my skin that Denise mentions is so interesting to me because I have been doing that a lot lately (especially the last month or so). My skin gets very very dry because of the steroids..(yet another side effect)…dry to the point that sores develop..just crazy…but it also causes it to be itchy….and I noticed that my skin seems to be flakey a lot more now – so I found this ever so soft brush and have been brushing (scratching my skin) with it….IT IS HEAVEN. Instead of scratching with my fingers which I think is not always good and seems to cause more problems – this little brush is wonderful and my skin does not get irritated…and afterward it almost seems stimulated – like it is alive sort of thing.

Now I did not realize that you should take a shower right afterward – I have not – but now that it is suggested – I think I will try that – and I am thrilled to have found a way to detoxify my body without touching the remaining meds I take.

Today – I will make the outside of my body feel refreshed and this will refresh the inside!

Today is day 23 of SOUL COACHING and day 24 of NABLOPOMO!!


Today starts EARTH WEEK….I look forward to what lies ahead – I am so fascinated by the earth – the flowers, trees, mountains, the smells, the oceans…just fantastic…

Today we are suppose to think about taking care of ourselves – our bodies…well since I am engulfed in doctors and medications – I am skipping the go to a doctor part and get a physical – and going right to giving up something to better your health.

I am cheating on this – because I have already given it up – but I wanted to mention it here because I think if other people who smoke see it – they will feel like maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In January of this year….I just dropped out of sight from every one and everything – (except of course my hunnie and daughter)…I was just NOT feeling well at all….my body was sending me signals – and it was scaring me.

So I took care of me – got TONS of rest. Only ate what my body REALLY wanted. (mostly just soup or just toast or a bagel – very light). Well that lasted for a week maybe more and then one day I just woke up and thought to myself that I just did not want to smoke a cigarette anymore…not because of my lungs, or because I was in pain (I was not at the time), just because the desire left me. I just did not want one more cigarette. I have been smoking since I was 17. Never thought I would give it up…I always said to myself that It was the only vice I had – so to me that was great. So I STOPPED…as the saying goes COLD TURKEY. I did not tell my family I stopped – they just assumed they had not seen me smoke because I was not feeling well and sleeping alot….I wanted to get a week or two under my belt. Well my hunnie turned around one day and asked if I needed cigarettes – he was going to the store…that is when I broke the news to him…his eyes got huge and he screamed YES…that is GREAT!!!!!

After that moment he would not leave his cigarettes around for temptation…and no matter what he would not buy me any more and did not even talk about it to me. Well he watched me – to see if I smoked – to see if I asked him for cigarettes – etc – and then in early April I think – he just QUIT smoking! He announced that it had been a few days since he has had one….WOW – could not believe it – I was so thrilled for him.

So now we are both NON SMOKERS and it has been wonderful!!! He gave it up because I could – he said I inspired him – now how cool is that!! It shocked our kids beyond anything – my daughter knew it to be true because she still lives at home but our boys had to see it for themselves. (they both smoke – they blame it on the army life – because of the stress and lack of anything else)…so now they know they cannot smoke in our house and that definitely has them confused…lol

Truthfully I think quitting is the greatest gift I could give myself…it is a relief – and a new found freedom!
So yes it is a bit of cheating for today’s exercise – but It really had such an impact on me – that I wanted to share it for Earth Week. i also wanted to relay that I never realized until this past January that you can really listen to your body and it will tell you what it wants and needs….a year ago you could not convince me of that…I find it all interesting!

Today – I will listen more to my body and rejoice in it getting better!!

Today is day 22 of SOUL COACHING and day 23 of NABLOPOMO.


Today in Soul Coaching – one of the exercises is to create a collage that shows what prosperity really means to you…to show it…because money alone does not make a person properous or wealthy…..Creating something is so much more easier for me then to type out just to explain me…so this one is up my alley!

Well the only thing (and the BEST THING) that popped into my head – was my kids – they make me rich beyond anything that money could give. As I have said more times then I can remember – my kids make my heart complete…without them – I would not be the person I am today. I also know there would be a void in my life longing to be filled. I truly did not know what total bliss was until I had my kids. Seeing the world through their eyes…experiencing life with them, through them, beside them, has made me the richest person I know!

So My collage was the most recent picture of my kids the last time we were all together (this past june)…and then digitally adding words that add to my prosperity without needing a penny. As you can see the greatest of all – the most important of all is LOVE! All of those terms – have made me rich and enriched…full of all I could ever want. When I was growing up – I thought money and fame were important and the only things that you make you weathy but I was so wrong. I have had lots of money – have had no money – have had no kids – have three kids…and my kids are my riches.

As I have said before – the greatest joy from them is hearing “I Love You Mom” OMG – just melts my heart away…now that is priceless…

Today I will THANK GOD for all my riches – my KIDS – and that will always be enough~!~

Today is the LAST DAY of fire week….this past week has made me feel better then the other two..I feel like I have discovered more about me this past week…one more week of discovery left…EARTH is next!

Today is day 21 of SOUL COACHING and day 22 of NABLOPOMO!!!


***I just wanted to mention something about yesterday’s entry about dying….I am deeply touched by the beautiful comments that people have left me – I wish I felt as strong as you all wrote….I am not that “strong” on a daily basis….there are many days that I am scared out of my mind – terrified really and all I can do is cry…but yesterday – I wrote how I felt yesterday – for the moment and I Thank you all for making me feel more then what I was feeling myself***

Today’s SOUL COACHING chapter is about random acts of kindness…it could be in any form….as little as a smile or as major as paying a bill. Now I love this topic because my hunnie and I have done this many times – and it all started because someone did it for us…so we have gone through drive thrus and paid for coffee for behind us and/or doughnuts (we do not have a starbucks but we have dunkin dougnuts)..or we leave all the change at convenient stores so that someone else can use it in case they do not have it.

These little things really make me feel wonderful…especially when I was out there going to the stores and all. Now I have had to change tactics a bit…..Usually when I get on the phone with companies that I have to pay bills at or whatever – like the electric company – I make a great effort to make the customer service person laugh – giggle – whatever!!! Makes me feel great – because I am sure that people who have called in about their bills and such – some may not have been as nice or not patient and have taken their frustrations out on the person….but since I cannot see them in person – I do try to make them laugh – I have found a few times – that someone who has started off in a nasty mood when they got to me on the phone – hung up afterwards laughing or wishing me a happy day or whatever – you can just tell from the sound of their voice that they are a tiny bit better since you spoke to them….how great!!!!

I think it is a very empowering feeling – that such simple acts like a smile or a chuckle can transform someone’s day – it rings true that it is just like the butterfly effect in some ways – to me – it makes me feel like your heart can grow from it!

I will say that I owe wanting to make others smile or laugh from my hunnie. He has a GREAT sense of humor – he loves loves loves to make others laugh – make them feel at ease – it is just so natural of him…so I have taken those cues from him…a bit of his style – and that is why I can do it now – just by his actions he has taught me something wonderful!!! I also think – my daughter has gotten that from him – she has a wild sense of humor and LOVES to make friends and those around her laugh – just being goofy – she feels it makes people just plain feel good and to forget, even for a little while – the test they were worried about or all the homework or the craziness at home or whatever – so I think my hunnie has been contagious that way…LOL

Today – I will smile – I will giggle – and things will be brighter!!

Today is day 20 for SOUL COACHING and day 21 for NABLOPOMO.