FACING YOUR DEATH – EMBRACING YOUR LIFE

This is a topic – that I have studied when in college and I have had to come to terms with in my own life.
Facing Death – that is a term that I did not think I would even have to deal with until I felt I was old. But since I have been diagnosed with a chronic terminal disease – it is something that has slapped me right in the face….that “fate” has decided it was time I come face to face with it. Katherin Kubler-Ross believes that there are 5 stages to death…5 stages you go through – well I think I have gone through all 5 several times…You would think that once I got to acceptance (the final stage) that that would be the end…but nope – especially if your mind is fighting it. The only reason I know my mind fights it is because of the unknown…no one really knows what comes after death….do not get me wrong…I believe in a heaven…that a new life is lead there – but not knowing everything about it – has me in a panic…however there are other days that I am truly ready.

Now my daughter is NOT ready for me to go…I totally understand that….my sons seem not to deal with it until they will be faced with it – I totally understand that also. Allen – well he just tries to change the subject or make me laugh or take my mind off of things because it TERRIFIES him that I will die on him…I know this also. Death seems to have such a strange reaction from each and every person…you can never really say this is it and create a template for it….but for me – today – I am ready….there is a quote from a Indiana Jones movie that of course was just a movie but the quote has always stayed with me…“I am prepared to die, are you?”.  That quote that Denise uses in the chapter of “It is a good day to die” is very familiar to me – we have indian in my family – so I have known that quote all my life….they all mean the same thing – I am prepared to die….I know I am going to a place where I will no longer be in pain–that I will be surrounded by those I love that have gone before me….but not knowing what will happen past that is scary.

I have found that the more I am accepting of death – the more precious life becomes – at first you would not think that it would happen like that – but it does – Knowing that I am not going to live a long old life – only makes me appreciate every moment I have with my family. Of course I am so NOT perfect in this area and there are days I wake up in a total panic over it and I cry over it – but then there are the days – that I am in so much pain – that I just feel exhausted and I want to go “home”. There are days that I just accept it because there is nothing I can do about it…it just depends where my head is at and what is going on I suppose.

I took a class called death and dying when I was in college – one of the professors was dying of cancer – it was quite the experience – but in that class – after doing the excercises and meditations and all that – the professors said that I understood the most about death and dying…they said I was a natural to teach it if I ever wanted – and now look were it is serving me…fate – hmmmmm – how strange! I know I have rambled on – but I hope you all get my meaning.

So to answer Denise’s question – yes I am ready to face my death – more than yesterday and less than tomorrow – and as I do that – life has become so very precious to me – the moments mean more- what is said means more – what you do with your time means more – I believe that life just gets us ready for Death..

Here is a quote that I wanted to share that is my mantra most of the time….

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming–
WOW–What A Ride!

Today – I am embracing my life – so my death will have meaning!!

Today is day 19 for SOUL COACHING and day 20 for NABLOPOMO.

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4 responses to “FACING YOUR DEATH – EMBRACING YOUR LIFE

  1. Wow, you are really an inspiration. So brave about death, and so full of life both. You are the perfect example of how facing death squarely helps you live more fully. Bless you sweetheart.

  2. What a powerful woman you are. Thank you for sharing your love, your learning, your story and your inspiration.

    hugs,
    Jamie

  3. Hugs.♥ You are a pillar of strength, enlightenment, wisdom and love. Thank you for being. 🙂

  4. what a beautiful post, ellie. i agree with the others you are so strong, even if you do not always feel that way. thank you for sharing your experiences!! xox

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