IT’S REPORT CARD TIME

When I was growing up – I truly despised report cards. My father thought that they were the ultimate in telling him about the character of his children. He could not be bothered with homework or research or anything of that sort – just report cards (he also worked 14 hour days and some weekends – so he was not around a lot). My mother could not help with homework – english was not her first language and by the time I would have to explain everything to her…it would take too long…so I was pretty much on my own. I vowed I would always be there to help my kids if they asked, with their school work. I was always checking on homework every day…constantly communicating with their teachers about what is going on…helping them with research – the whole nine yards…so report cards are important in our house but because I was so involved with my kids – that I had to see what effort they were putting forth in school because I knew the work they were doing at home.

The boys drove me a bit nuts…different stories…excuses…just endless. However they soon learned in high school – that anything less then a “C” meant you were going to have privileges taken away. That was a great motivational tool in our house. Well Crystalyn just started high school when the boys graduated – so I had to start over…she has been so borderline – I was really worrying about her. She did the work – but she is a no go on exams..just could not connect the dots – sort of speak. Her reports and research and such always got her A’s but anything like tests and I could not figure out what was happening. She has tested me the most. Well now it is Senior Year…it is do or die sort of year. You either make it or you don’t. No More Excuses – time to get so serious you scare yourself!

Well something has snapped in the child….in her 6 finals that she had taken two weeks ago – she got 5 “A’s” and 1 “B” – OMG – I am so thrilled…your final grades for those classes were “A’s” and “B’s” and a “C” – I am tickled pink!!! She was flying on cloud nine on Friday when she brought home her report card…she said she is going to frame it and hang it up…I would too! I am so proud of her progress…so proud that she found her niche…(BTW – the “C” was in aerobics – the teacher just clashed with Crystalyn – kept threatening to fail her because she was a senior and needed her class to graduate – Crystalyn does not respond well to threats at all)

So Now with only two more semesters left until graduation – she can see the light – now she is so into applying for the community college – (one of her teachers – that has taken a personal interest in her – which is a good thing – he teaches in the field she is interested in) suggested to her to go to the community college and get all the basics and foundation out of the way (and cheaper) and you walk away with an Associate’s degree in the basic of your field…it is also MUCH easier to get into a major university here if you are a transfer…so she is going for it. Before she was only interested in some design trade school (no transferable credits) so he tried to steer her away from that thinking.

She wants to work in digital designing – 3-D graphics – multi media art….well she has had this teacher all 4 years of high school. (he also had my boys for computer classes)..but he has gone beyond for her. That is because he sees SO MUCH POTENTIAL in her – I think he thinks she is his prodigy. So for the next two semesters – he has set up a computer in his classroom just for her with special programs to get her a bit of a start in the field – to learn the basics – so that she has a bit of a taste of the world she is setting out for. I am so thrilled for her – he has met my hunnie during open house and they spoke for hours about football and gator hunting and such (he is a country boy at heart) – and he really thinks Crystalyn has a very special talent for the field. She is so excited – and just beaming from ear to ear – about what is ahead…

Yes it is report card time – and it is wonderful!!!

Peace!!

JUST FEELING DOWN

Have not had much energy lately to do much writing…especially in my blogs…I have kept up with my art blog (FINDING MYSELF) because it is a promise/committment I made to myself to do this year. I guess I have been feeling sorry for myself lately because I am tired of being sick and tired…
Let me backtrack for a minute here – In 2000 I had gotten sick (lung infections, pneumonia and all that fun stuff) for the umpteenth time…well in august it would be the last time I would work. I was diagnosed with COPD – my lungs are permanently damaged by black mold…yes my workplace had black mold seeping through the ceiling and walls and no matter how much I complained NOTHING WAS DONE!!
To make a very very LONG story short…through doctors and the court – I was claimed permanently and totally disabled…my life changed forever and I won a  Workman’s Comp lawsuit against the state. The state has to pay me my salary with a 3.5% raise every year until my retirement age of 65. The state fought against it for two years when I first got sick…they blamed me for everything – that fight lasted two years (in the meantime – my house went into foreclosure – we had to claim bankruptcy and many other problems arose) and in the end – the day of the trial – the state had NOTHING…no argument – no fight – they just tried to delay things for as long as possible and made me go to dozens and dozens of doctors (all their choice – all paid by them) to prove me wrong – to get me to stop the lawsuit…the problem is all of their doctors agreed with me – they all found the same thing – I was dying from black mold poisoning…my lungs would never get better…and the state was totally at fault. They had private investigators following me for 6 of those months – they only thing they got on tape was me walking with a cane VERY SLOWLY (because the drugs have eaten away at the calcium in my bones and now I fall very easily) and using oxygen (as prescribed by my doctor and theirs)…the tapes went against them…usually in this state – it takes 2-4 weeks for a judge to make a decision in W/C cases – this particular judge was so furious at the state – he made his decision right then and there – the state LOST BIG TIME…they were also fined because of certain “techniques” and such -
Yes I am thrilled I won – but at what cost….my life will never be the same – my life has been shortened – I have been severely depressed and extremely agoraphobic because I truly fear that people out there are taping me or looking to get me on something – so it is best I just stay inside my house.

I guess I am telling you all this to let you know where my head is at – to let myself know where I have been and where I am now!

So for the past two days my chest has been in pain (not my heart – my lungs) and I have been fighting headaches…so it is wearing me down as usual. So I tend to become even more introverted and I keep to myself until whatever it is goes away…sometimes the pain goes away fast – sometimes it stays for weeks and weeks…so that is where I am at today…just tired of fighting…of feeling sorry for myself…of wondering what will happen next to me. GEEZ – this is just getting old! Thanks for reading (if you are still here) – thanks for listening….

The daughter has had exams all week – today she has a half day of school and then is off until next tuesday – so it will be nice to have her home for a long weekend – maybe her and I can get creative. I have just been sleeping for about 4 days now – that is what happens when my body is fighting something…

Well I will leave you with this beautiful graphic I have come upon…and I hope you have a beautiful week and weekend!!!

Until Next Time – PEACE!!!

GETTING BACK TO THE NORMAL LIFE

WOW – the holidays are over…..New Year’s Celebrations have died down…and now going back to everyday life is upon everyone!!! School does not start up here until next week..so the daughter is still off just lazing around the house…I really wanted her to redo her room but that has been an unending losing battle! She is 18 and even tho she still lives under “our roof” her room is her business…and if she likes the mess then more power to her I guess.

We have really been up to NOTHING!!! I am pursuing my goals in art…creating something everyday and taking a photo a day project….check out my art blog (FINDING MYSELF) for that info…but have gotten nothing else accomplished. The weather took us for a loop this week….we went from the high 70’s and 80’s to 28 degrees today. OMG can you say we do not even own a coat!!!! I love the cold weather because I can breathe so much more easier….having to fight a lung disease – the cool weather brings comfort…but no coats…and we do not have central heating (our central AC/heat stopped working when we first moved in and never had the money to fix it-a couple of thousand dollars does not come easy). But tomorrow the weather should be warming up to the 60’s which is nice and cool for us yet not cold enough for coats.

All is well with the boys…have heard from them pretty much every day (which is wonderful). One son is getting out of the army (I think I mentioned that already) he has his time in…he is just not army material…so now he will pursue other ventures. I think he is happy it is over for him. The son in Japan has been homesick over the holidays…but he is good…and being able to stay in touch with us has helped him get through the down times…but he is busy so that helps too!

Besides my goals for the new year – I have chosen to find a word and live the word..use it as my personal motto – my mantra…it is PEACE!!! I have been using that word when I sign off or when I end a letter or something…but this year I want to truly make a conscious effort to live the word…breathe the word….have that PEACE surround my life and in my life…at least that is my goal!!!

I think I have caught up on news…nothing new…but a New Year to try New Things and Start Fresh. Do you have any goals for the New Year? If you wanted – what word would you chose to be your mantra?

Until Next Time ….. PEACE!!!

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE AND MORE

WOW – busy busy busy….Time has just flown by…I just cannot figure out where I lost track of it all. I will say..I have finished ALL my Christmas shopping…I have about 5 cards left to send out – but they might be late…they are all out of country.

Also – my son who is stationed in Kentucky canceled (at the last minute) his trip home. It just about broke my heart.  My hunnie is mad because this is typical of AJ – very impulsive and does these things on a constant basis…especially when it is NOT his money that is being wasted. I am just disappointed…I really thought he would come…but I was wrong. So it will be the three of us…and that is BEAUTIFUL… we have a HUGE turkey dinner planned with all kinds of good stuffies with it and gifts galore.

So just to add a bit more stress to my week…my daughter tells me that she needs the payment and pictures and letter for her dedication page for the yearbook by today…(this was two days ago). So I had to get a dozen prints sent off to walgreens (took 4 hours of picking and choosing) for overnight printing and had to get a money order for $275 for the full page dedication (she always wanted a full page) (with that money it better be outlined in gold – LOL) and I had to write a dedication letter to her about “whatever” I felt motivated to write.. So I thought I would share my letter here…let me know what you think:

Crystalyn Rose 

“I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.”

We never knew so much LOVE & JOY could come from having a child.

Your sense of humor and spunk for life and creative thinking amazes us…and your compassion for others makes your heart bigger then most adults we know.

Our pride in you grows daily as does of course our LOVE..if that is at all possible.

You have strong convictions and will fight tooth and nail for your family and friends and those that you care about.

You have a massive soft spot for animals-which shows the depth of your kindness..and you speak your mind no matter what the circumstances or consequences. Showing that you stand strong in your faith and beliefs – that you are a leader and not a follower.

We are very proud to say you are our daughter..and although you are spreading those beautiful wings of yours and going out to claim your life…We wish for you the VERY best of all that life has to offer..

CONGRATULATIONS on your first step to life’s opportunities..

Smile always to show kindness to others

Laugh to enjoy the fullness of life

Love to always be filled with unending joy

Dream to strive for the best of everything…

Follow your Dreams – Believe in Yourself – Be You

We Wish You Enough….!!!

Mom-Dad-Eric-Allen

 She thought it was awesome – so that is all I care about. This morning she turned everything in so she is happy and that makes me happy!!! Now we still have to pick out invitations and memory goodies and measurements for caps and gowns. (this is ALL more money) I know I keep mentioning money but it just seems that companies take every opportunity to charge you unbelievable prices for some crazy stuff. She did FINALLY get her senior portraits back and her class picture (almost 900 students in one picture) they do a panoramic picture of the class – you do have to LOOK to see where your kid is…that was another 40 dollars.(just the class pic) Her portraits were $215.

We never got our lights on the house done…just too much for us right now. But I did manage to get a picture of the little tree by our front door….my camera’s battery was running low so the lights got swirled in the picture…but here it is:

I think it has a cool effect….so that is our Christmas tree…everyone who has seen it LOVES the idea and have claimed they are going to do that also…LOL. I think I have started a trend….LOL .

 For now I think I have updated all that has happened. I have really had a WONDERFUL holiday season so far…some BEAUTIFUL people who I have met through blog land have sent me things that made my heart cry – they have touched me so much…I have some surprises for them…(might be late) but I hope they love it nonetheless. I have continued every day to blog and create in my art blog (FINDING MYSELF)- which for me is BRAVE because it is putting myself out there for all to see and judge…and so far – KINDNESS AND LOVE is what I have been shown….I AM BLESSED.

If I am unable to blog here before Christmas – I wish you ALL a very BEAUTIFUL and BLESSED Christmas filled with JOY – HAPPINESS – and LOVE!!!

Remember to HUG those you LOVE!!!

CATCHING UP ON NEWS

I know I am so behind in keeping this blog updated….so much going on.
I do keep  my original blog  more frequently updated then this one…so if you ever want to see what is happening..here is my  other blog : ELLIE’S CRAZY LIFE

I have just finished participating in a month long challenge of creating art everyday in my art blog – FINDING MYSELF – that was a tremendous learning experience and something that I grew from. I have made some new friends and strengthened other friendships…I received some WONDERFUL support..especially from my friend Anke, whose kind words and encouragement really help motivate me and kept me going…if you have a moment – check out her blog called THE ARTIST IN ME – her work is fabulous!

My son did manage to make it home from Arizona to say Good-bye to us before being deployed out. He was only here for 3 and a half days…too short…of course I cried my eyes out when he left….I could feel my heart breaking…but the good news is we have heard from him on a regular basis. He is still adjusting to life there…and through our conversations I have compiled a list and shopped for things that I know he will appreciate. So This coming monday or tuesday at the latest we will be sending him a care package for Christmas…I just hope he gets it in time…I cannot tell you all yet what we have bought him because most of it is a surprise for him and I don’t want to take a chance of him reading any of my blogs and figuring out what we got him. I will say – he will be so SURPRISED and love it all!!!

My other son who is stationed at Ft Campbell -Kentucky, will definitely be home on December 14th. The ticket has been purchased and all the plans are finalized. It will be wonderful to have him home…AJ has this wonderful talent of making me laugh no matter what is going on. He has such a beautiful spirit about him..We have a few surprises for him too!!!!

Crystalyn never made it to my parents…the airfares were OUTRAGEOUS…it is more expensive to fly in state then fly to Europe….so she stayed home and we had a wonderfully peaceful  Thanksgiving full of so much delicious food (with leftovers that lasted 3 days after) She had a wonderful week off from school and got caught up on things she needed to do – so all in all it was quite successful. Now she only has 2 and a half weeks of school before Christmas break and then she is off for just over two weeks…so she will get to spend some great time with AJ and they can go off and do fun stuff together!

The weather,unfortunately here got warm again…this past week it has been in the 80’s. That kind of weather does not promote the festive holiday feel…but hopefully this coming week things will cool off….it really is too hot for this time of year here.

This weekend I am hoping to be done with my Christmas cards and I just have to print out two calendars that I made for my parents and my hunnie’s mom as Christmas presents to send to them. Then I should be done with the major stuff….This year we bought a 4-1/2 tree for outside our front door (artificial) instead of having a tree inside the house. We have 11 rotties who are way too active to have a tree inside…and I just wanted the outside to look nice.  Hopefully next weekend we will be done with anything outside decorations we are going to do. I just want the holidays to be calm and relaxing!!

I think I have caught up on all the news that is fit to print….May you all have a beautiful December…Until Next Time….PEACE!!

DAYS FLYING BY

It seems like November is moving awfully quickly….the atmosphere seems to be getting a bit chaotic in that we are trying to get ready for several things. We are trying to arrange a flight for my daughter to go visit my parents further down south for the Thanksgiving holidays…she has off for over a week so it would be nice for her to visit with family. However right now we are waiting to hear if any flights become available.

We also have heard from our son who is leaving for Japan…the army has CUT his visiting time…he has to deploy A LOT sooner…so right now it looks like he will get here and have to fly right back out after one night. He thinks he will make it here quickly but I think that is all wishful thinking. So those plans are up in the air right now…Today he graduates from AIT and he gets to leave anytime after midnight to head home. We will see what happens.

The weather has been wonderful…so nice and cool, makes it so much easier to breathe. I have made it a point of going out every day..at least for a few minutes…a great way to clear my head…and regain some balance. I have been keeping up with my art blog (FINDING MYSELF) everyday. I signed up for a challenge called ART EVERY DAY of the MONTH. So far I have managed to create something everyday. At first I really did not think I was good enough to be a part of it…I was going to wait until next year to join it..BUT no one is guaranteed a tomorrow so I joined..People have been very encouraging and supportive, and I am finding out that I can show my art and nothing bad will happen.

My hunnie right now is putting together a craft type table for me to do all my art and crafts on…I am just too excited about it…I am thinking about collaging the whole top of it then sealing it…something different – something that says me!!!

Yesterday and today I have been feeling a bit low…I am trying to fight through it all but it is driving me crazy…(right now I am refusing to give in to those dark feelings and self destructive thoughts) well hunnnie and daughter went out to run some errands and brought back some surprises for me…one being some beanie babies…(something else I have been collecting) they are absolutely adorable and two of them are primates…YAYAY! They also brought back Chinese food for lunch (my favorite) and fall angels for my collection (so very beautiful – leaves are the wings). So today I have been very spoiled and they both have succeeded in making me feel better.

Well I think I will head outside and see how it is going with putting the top on my table. Thanks for stopping by!

KEEPING BUSY

Finally I have a few moments to catch up on a few things…First the weather – WOW finally some fall like weather has finally hit the sunshine state. I am loving it! I can actually breathe in some fresh air without choking. It has been wonderful the last few days…I have actually been sitting outside just soaking it all in!

Hurricane Noel skirted our coast but THANK GOD for the low front that was coming in the opposite direction and forced Noel to go away..unfortunately the east coast beaches took a beating with high surfs and more beach erosion has occured, but at least NO HURRICANES…it has been the most mildest season I have ever seen in the 20 or so years I have lived here.

I have really been doing some major blog hopping and researching on creating. Almost seems you would not have to research it but you do…to find things that inspire you. I think that is what spoiled things for me…lack of inspiration…I wanted to see what inspires others to create…see what they create..what they use..the thought process…I could go on and on..but I don’t want to bore anyone..suffice it to say…I have found things to inspire me..words, pictures, art, materials…things that once again..make me want to create. So I have been working on my art blog quite a bit…researching places to sell art at, “getting the word out” sort of speak. It really has been a labor of love for me. My head has not been so obsessed with depression and feeling trapped inside myself (now my battle with severe depression has been an on going thing for several years due to finding out just how sick I am). Being depressed took away my joy…but creating is bringing it back..all this research is bringing it back, thinking of new ways to be creative is bringing it back, meeting new people in the “art” community is bringing it back…..sharing my art with other people (actually letting others seeing it) is bringing it back. Just playing with supplies, throwing things together is bringing it back. I guess you get the point. You would think (if you have never suffered from depression) that it would be so easy to find things that give you joy like your significant other, your kids, your job, your fur babies, your possessions…but it does not. It does not mean that you love your family any less or that they are not important in your life…it is just that the joy disappears from your thought process from deep within your heart it is almost impossible to make yourself feel it or experience it. Strange I am sure, to most people but not to me! I am far from being “cured” or out of that depressive state…but I can feel that joy slowly warm my heart, I can see the light in my head in that very dark tunnel in a far off distance. It feels good! So that is why feeling creative is so important to me. I have uploaded some pics of some of my work and such so please feel free to go check it out for yourself: FINDING MYSELF.

So now you know what I have been doing…as for the daughter – finally the first quarter of school is over..only 3 more to go…this also means report card time. To be honest…one grade needs improvement…she is also very confused as to why she received that grade because her main project was awesome! (she will have to speak with the teacher on monday) but she also received 3 “A’s” which I am thrilled about. She is a happy camper and it showed her that all the work was truly worth it…it was a great boost to her self esteem which is always a good thing! I am very proud of her!

The night before last my son who is stationed at Ft Campbell Kentucky IM’d me and we video chatted for a couple of hours…that was so much fun..he has a wonderful sense of humor….he could always make me laugh about anything! He has received confirmation that his vacation has been approved..so he will be home from December 18th to January 1st., so I am very excited..it will be wonderful to have him home for the holidays! My other son is still out in field…he has been out in the field for over 10 days now and will come in sometime after tomorrow…then he gets ready for graduation from AIT and then home to see us for a few days…then off to Japan.

It has been a full week with nice temps…we did have rain on and off for 4 or 5 days but we needed it since the state’s water table is 24 inches below critical. But this weekend is absolutely lovely…so I think I will go and sit out some more! Thanks for stopping by.

PEACE!!!

ADMIRED COMPASSION

Have I told you yet how much I admire my daughter’s compassion? I do. Her heart is BIG enough to love as many as she wants with no limitations…she has such a caring attitude that it amazes me – a deep soul – no limits and no expectations – just pure acceptance and compassion. I have noticed this in her, her entire life.

Instead of me trying to remember all those times I really noticed it…today is a prime example. Yesterday we spotted a couple of drops of blood on our tile floor. We thought it was her dog THOR…Thor had been to the vet three weeks ago because of large patches of blood coming out of him wherever he had been laying down. Turns out he broke the bone that surrounds or is part of his urethra.  Well the vets gave us medicine (steroids) to give to him for three weeks..varying the doses. After the first two days we noticed a BIG improvement…we were all relieved but especially Crystalyn. She was so scared she was going to lose her dog…(side note: the vets think he broke it trying to mate with one of our females and she turned wrong and broke the bone-ouch). Well when we saw the drops of blood last night – her face dropped and that hurt look came back..the worry…she called the vet and set up an appointment for early this morning. She stayed up all night to make sure she would get to the appointment and to keep Thor company..who just happen to lay down by her feet all night…he adores her and as much she adores him. She made it to the appointment and the vet said he wanted to continue the steroids because he is healing just not all the way like they want..he needs more time. Apparently the steroids will cause scarring and the scarring will be the mending between the broken bone parts.

Crystalyn became stressed because they put a muzzle on Thor and he has never had that (they did that the first time too), she just think it frightens him too much. She truly believes she knows how he feels and what he is going through, what his thoughts are. (to me – that is the compassion in her too)After the appointment and getting the good news from the vet that Thor is doing good…they where on their way home…of course Crystalyn notices that Thor is happy being in the car because he can stick his head out and scare people (her words) he has a HUGE head. She put on his new collar to go to the vet because she said he wanted to show off his new duds (her words). She talks to all the dogs we have like they are honest to goodness people…she tells us what they are thinking or saying to her…no she is not crazy…she just has that connection, that compassion for all living things..even the dogs. She could not wait to come home and tell me that a man parked next to our car when her dad went into a store..and this man tried very hard to get out of his car and not hit ours…but when the man lifted his head it was met with Thor’s face…that man straigtened right up with a look of terror in his face and then just smiled at Crystalyn and walked away…Crystalyn thought this was hysterical…she loves the way people react to her dog. Yet with her, Thor is a gentle giant that will not let anything or anyone hurt her if he can help it!

To me it just shows how compassionate she is  – her caring about this lug of a dog who is so big he knocks down everything in his way…but loves her to pieces and visa-versa. Now they are home and again … she is playing on her laptop with Thor by her feet…and all is well!

PEACE